Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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