Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to make out with him forever
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
