Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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