all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
