oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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