the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
