meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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