smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
