Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
