i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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