we're blogging at a bar
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
