What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
