Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
