So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
high people should be assigned attendants
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
