Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
