Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i've created a new STD.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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