I'm sorry my penis didn't work
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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