the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
