I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
