well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
