Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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