Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
