is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
