My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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