Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
