i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
