I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
