my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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