am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
