Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
