She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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