Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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