So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
