Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
