so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
whose parrot is this?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
