I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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