I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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