Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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