i love accidental penises.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
