I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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