I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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