Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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