me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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