I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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