Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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