so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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