He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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