Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
how drunk are you?
Several
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
