Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
