kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
