she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
