Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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