why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
