Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
