I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
