I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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