So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
