Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
