i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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