I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
