I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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