Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
