break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
