Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
