Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
