Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You smell like stripper and shame
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
