I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
