saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
