I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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