well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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