twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
