Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
