i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
