WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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