I cockslap morals
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
